Hey guys, Mother's Day is coming! Don't bother with a present. All she wants is a card, and for you to avoid the following things: 1. Excessive TV volume 2. Those kitchen cabinets 3. Large portions of meat 4. Eastbound & Down 5. Poorly arranged shoes 6. Fast boats 7. Faster cars 8. Motorcycles 9. Salt 10. Just chilling out for a sec 11. Not staying in one lane on the highway 12. Slayer 13. Hot tubs 14. Using the wrong towel 15. Anal 16. Additives 17. Preservatives 18. Your most fun friend 19. Biking down steep hills 20. "All that sugar" 21. Ostentatiously sized televisions 22. All football announcers at all times 23. Going to the mall on a sunny day 24. Letting the screen door slam shut on its own 25. Billy Bob Thornton 26. Tracking dirt inside the house 27. Slothful lifeguards 28. Leaving the house without proper shoes 29. Leaving the house without an emergency extra layer of clothing 30. Stopping for food on the road instead of bringing 50 small bags of apple slices 31. Sliding your hand along the escalator railing 32. Sharing cups 33. Hotel bedspreads 34. Wiping up something from the floor using the kitchen-sink sponge 35. The threat of undercooked poultry 36. Mildew 37. Enriched white flour Drew Magary writes for Deadspin. He's also a correspondent for GQ. Follow him on Twitter @drewmagary and email him at [email protected]. You can also buy Drew's new Kindle Single, The Rover, through Amazon. Image by David Saracino. The Concourse is Deadspin's home for culture/food/whatever coverage. Follow us on Twitter: @DSconcourse. Relatedpayout betting calculatorparlay returnsmoneyline to percentage calculatorhalf points in nfl bettingkelly criterion sports betting calculatorbetting hedge calculatorbetting the spreadwhat does over under mean in bettingparlay betting strategyhow does round robin work in bettingexpected value in bettingwhat does hedge mean in betting
Related Posts
his retirement from professional football. The 37-year-old is well known for having bounced around a series of different clubs throughout his 20-year career in the sport, with his most notable spell in the game coming during his four years with Norwich City. He was the guiding light behind their back to back promotions into the Premier League, and at one point, there were rumours of a big money move for the Englishman.
While he may never have reached the biggest heights in the game he certainly made an impression, even being on the verge of a call-up to England s Euro 2012 squad before talks fell apart. In the wake of this decision, it s been confirmed that he ll be taking up a coaching role with the Canaries, in what many fans will rightly see as a fitting end to what has bee…
Russian Deputy Prime Minister Vitaly Mutko responded in scathing fashion over the latest anti-doping allegations to hit the country s sports organisations and called the International Olympic Committee s (IOC) and World Anti-Doping Agency s (WADA) own process into question when addressing the Confederations Cup closing news conference in St Petersburg.
Germany face Chile in the final of the tournament on Sunday, a dry run of sorts for the Russia 2018 World Cup and FIFA president Gianni Infantino praised the hosts on account of feared issues with hooliganism, violence and racism being absent.
But the spectre of doping continues to dog Russian sport.
Solicitor Richard McLaren published a report in December last year claiming that, between 2011 and 2015, more than …
With hopes of a domestic and European treble still burning brightly, Barcelona s next test comes at city rivals Espanyol in La Liga on Saturday.
Luis Enrique s side have enjoyed a productive week, with Tuesday s 2-0 victory over Paris Saint-Germain sealing a 5-1 aggregate success and a place in the last four of the UEFA Champions League for the seventh time in eight seasons.
With a Copa del Rey final against Athletic Bilbao still to look forward to and a two-point lead over Real Madrid at the summit, Barca are on course to repeat their treble-winning feat of 2008-09.
They can take confidence from a strong record in this derby, with six successive wins over Espanyol and no defeats since a 2-1 reverse in February 2009.
The reverse fixture at Camp Nou in…
Atletico Madrid striker Luciano Vietto is making the move to Sporting CP, the LaLiga club confirmed on Tuesday.
Vietto, 25, has spent this season on loan at Fulham, but will join the Portuguese giants in a reported €7.5million move.
The Argentinian joined Atletico from Villarreal in 2015 before spending time on loan at Sevilla, Valencia and Fulham.
Atletico de Madrid has reached an agreement with Sporting CP over the transfer of Luciano Vietto, the club said in a statement.
The striker, who is currently on loan at Fulham, arrived at our club ahead of the 2015-16 season and will now continue his career in Portugal.
Vietto made 38 appearances in all competitions for Atletico and will join a Sporting side certain to finish third behind Benfica a…
Brazilian forward Alexandre Pato could be on his way back to AC Milan in January.
The major Italian media outlets – Gazzetta dello Sport and Corriere dello Sport – are claiming that Rossoneri are working to make a reunion with Pato happen this winter as their efforts to bring back Zlatan Ibrahimovic are getting unrealistic.
Alexandre Pato was never shy of his wish to return to AC Milan but the finances could be the biggest stumbling block in any deal with Tianjin Quanjian.
Pato’s release clause is standing at whopping €25 million which is more than AC Milan would be willing to pay, while Pato’s yearly wage of €9 million would also be a major issue.
The Brazilian could be willing to cut his season earnings to move back to Europe even if only o…
Florin Andone s first goal for Brighton and Hove Albion secured a come-from-behind 2-1 win at 10-man Huddersfield Town.
The pre-season arrival from Deportivo La Coruna produced a fine diving header to complete the turnaround after Mathias Jorgensen s opener, the fastest Premier League goal this season, was cancelled out by Shane Duffy.
Jorgensen struck after just 55 seconds but David Wagner s side conceded on the brink of half-time following Steve Mounie s red card for a foul on Yves Bissouma.
And Andone came up with the winner on his first start as the visitors numerical advantage told, bringing a halt to the Terriers recent revival and giving Chris Hughton s men their first win since October.
69: GOOOOOOAAAAALLL! The pressure pays off! GET IN THERE!
Didier Deschamps believes Karim Benzema and Antoine Griezmann are developing a useful understanding in France s attack at Euro 2020.
The world champions will seal top spot in Group F on Wednesday if they are able to beat Portugal, their conquerors in the last 16 of Euro 2016.
An already enviable array of talent at Deschamps disposal was bolstered by Benzema s return from a near six-year international exile ahead of the tournament, allowing the head coach to field a dream forward line of Griezmann and Kylian Mbappe alongside the Real Madrid striker.
The returns so far have been occasionally promising, if not prolific, with Mats Hummels own goal the difference in a 1-0 opening win over Germany before Griezmann salvaged a 1-1 draw against group outsiders Hungary �…
Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola believes he and Manchester United counterpart Jose Mourinho are twins when it comes to their thirst for success.
A spiky and tempestuous rivalry sparked between the two men when they led Barcelona and Real Madrid on either side of El Clasico s divide in 2010-11 and 2011-12.
Their appointments at City and United last year meant renewed hostilities between two brilliant and contrasting tacticians; Guardiola the romantic cast against Mourinho the arch pragmatist once more.
City won at Old Trafford last season – they remain the last Premier League team to do so – and the sides shared a goalless draw at the Etihad Stadium in April.
United knocked their neighbours out of the EFL Cup in between those fixtures. Mourinho w…
Seven-time Ballon d Or winner Lionel Messi has not been named on the 30-man shortlist for the 2022 award.
Messi – who won last year s award – endured a frustrating first season at Paris Saint-Germain in 2021-22 after arriving on a free transfer from Barcelona, scoring just 11 goals in 34 games in all competitions.
Three goals in two games at the start of the new season were not enough to see Messi make the cut, but great rival Cristiano Ronaldo of Manchester United was included.
Six players from Ronaldo s former club Real Madrid have been named among the 30, including heavy favourite for the award Karim Benzema, while there are also six inclusions each from Premier League duo Manchester City and Liverpool.
The nominees for the prestigious award …
Competition: Premier League
Market: Tottenham to beat Everton
Odds:
The Premier League continues this weekend with another round of games that should provide no end to the excitement and intrigue of England s top division. With the competition simmering away nicely, every side will want to pick up all three points for their cause, and with this in mind, Tottenham host Everton on Saturday.
Tottenham have been in fairly good form of late and they are looking to take a Champions League spot for next season. After 22 games they have won 12, drawn five and lost five, while they have scored 42 goals and conceded 21 times. In their last five they have won three, drawn once and lost once, which has helped the London side onto 41 points for the season s…