Hey guys, Mother's Day is coming! Don't bother with a present. All she wants is a card, and for you to avoid the following things: 1. Excessive TV volume 2. Those kitchen cabinets 3. Large portions of meat 4. Eastbound & Down 5. Poorly arranged shoes 6. Fast boats 7. Faster cars 8. Motorcycles 9. Salt 10. Just chilling out for a sec 11. Not staying in one lane on the highway 12. Slayer 13. Hot tubs 14. Using the wrong towel 15. Anal 16. Additives 17. Preservatives 18. Your most fun friend 19. Biking down steep hills 20. "All that sugar" 21. Ostentatiously sized televisions 22. All football announcers at all times 23. Going to the mall on a sunny day 24. Letting the screen door slam shut on its own 25. Billy Bob Thornton 26. Tracking dirt inside the house 27. Slothful lifeguards 28. Leaving the house without proper shoes 29. Leaving the house without an emergency extra layer of clothing 30. Stopping for food on the road instead of bringing 50 small bags of apple slices 31. Sliding your hand along the escalator railing 32. Sharing cups 33. Hotel bedspreads 34. Wiping up something from the floor using the kitchen-sink sponge 35. The threat of undercooked poultry 36. Mildew 37. Enriched white flour Drew Magary writes for Deadspin. He's also a correspondent for GQ. Follow him on Twitter @drewmagary and email him at [email protected]. You can also buy Drew's new Kindle Single, The Rover, through Amazon. Image by David Saracino. The Concourse is Deadspin's home for culture/food/whatever coverage. Follow us on Twitter: @DSconcourse. Relatedpayout betting calculatorparlay returnsmoneyline to percentage calculatorhalf points in nfl bettingkelly criterion sports betting calculatorbetting hedge calculatorbetting the spreadwhat does over under mean in bettingparlay betting strategyhow does round robin work in bettingexpected value in bettingwhat does hedge mean in betting
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David Wheater has signed a new three-year deal with Bolton Wanderers, the Championship side have confirmed.
The 26-year-old joined Bolton from hometown club Middlesbrough in January 2011 and has made 45 appearances since his arrival, with the majority of those coming in the Premier League.
The centre-back s participation in the 2012-13 campaign was restricted to just four brief substitute appearances, however, after he suffered a cruciate knee ligament injury in May of last year.
But, having proved his fitness in pre-season training, Wheater has expressed delight at earning a new contract.
I m very happy to have signed, he told the club s official website.
I believe we have a real chance to move forward this season and the manager is certainly the right man…
France coach Raymond Domenech has warned that nothing short of victory will suffice against old foes the Faroe Islands, now managed by former Republic of Ireland boss Brian Kerr, in Wednesday s 2010 World Cup qualifier.
A glance at the Group 7 standings explains the French boss s unease ahead of the game in Torshavn with his men lagging eight points behind leaders Serbia, albeit with two games in hand.
The winners of each group qualify automatically for South Africa with the best runners-up being forced into a play-off, an eventuality Domenech wants to avoid at all costs.
Anything barring victory is a catastrophe, the man who led France to the 2006 World Cup finals insisted in a video published on the French Football Federation s website.
Domenech added…
Hamburger SV are eager to cash in on midfielder Gojko Kacar before the January transfer window closes.
Kacar, 25, is one of the highest earners at the club and is nowhere near winning a place in the starting line-up, so no wonder the club officials want to push him towards the exit door.
The Serbian midfielder appeared to be on his way to Hannover, after the two clubs agreed on the transfer fee, but he could not agree personal terms with the 96ers.
Kacar appears to be perfectly happy to stay on the fringes at Imtech Arena and keep pocketing hefty salary, but HSV have other plans.
“We now have until the end of the month to find another club for Gojko (Kacar),” sporting director Frank Arnesen .
Kacar is currently earning €1.5m per campaign, b…
QPR manager Harry Redknapp is hopeful of securing the signing of Scott Parker in the next few days.
The Tottenham midfielder is facing stiff competition for a starting berth at White Hart Lane this term following the close-season signing of Paulinho.
However, Redknapp, who signed Parker when he was in charge at Tottenham, is keen to have the England international with him at Loftus Road as QPR aim to win promotion back to the Premier League at the first attempt.
We re hopeful of getting Scotty signed soon, Redknapp said.
He s a great lad and will be a really good signing for us.
Parker made only 23 appearances in all competitions last season after the beginning of his campaign was disrupted by injury.
The 32-year-old was named the Football Writers …
Nigeria have included Simeon Nwankwo in their final squad for the 2018 World Cup in Russia.
The Crotone striker, who only made his international debut against DR Congo last Monday, has earned a spot in Gernot Rohr s 23-man group.
Established stars including Alex Iwobi, Victor Moses, John Obi Mikel and Joel Obi have all been included, alongside Leicester City duo Wilfred Ndidi and Kelechi Iheanacho.
Brighton and Hove Albion s Leon Balogun, Porto s Chidozie Awaziem and forward Ahmed Musa, who spent the end of the 2017-18 season on loan from Leicester at CSKA Moscow, are also in the squad.
Nigeria, who were beaten 2-1 by England in a friendly match at Wembley on Friday, face Czech Republic on Wednesday, before beginning their World Cup campaign against Croat…
Danny Rose described England as his salvation as the Tottenham full-back revealed his depression diagnosis, which was triggered by injury and family tragedy.
Rose endured a difficult campaign in 2017-18, the Spurs left-back only making 10 Premier League appearances due to a serious knee injury sustained last year.
The 27-year-old spent nine months on the sidelines before returning in October, however, treatment of that injury was the start of a turbulent period in his life.
Rose s uncle took his own life, the England international s mother was the victim of racial abuse, while his brother was the target of a shooting inside the family home.
Now in a better place ahead of the World Cup in Russia – where Rose will be without his family amid concerns over …
What the papers say
Conor Gallagher is reportedly at the head of Tottenham’s transfer wishlist as Ange Postecoglou searches for a number eight. According to The Independent, Spurs are aiming to complete the transfer in January, with Chelsea bosses believed to be willing to make a deal for the right price.
Staying with Tottenham, The Independent says Bayern Munich are in talks to sign Spurs defender Eric Dier. It comes after the north London outfit beat Bayern in the race for the signature of centre-back Radu Dragusin.
The Telegraph reports Newcastle have had an approach for forward Dominic Solanke turned down by Bournemouth. Bosses at the Cherries are said to be determined not to release the 26-year-old this month.
Brentford and Crystal Palace are interested i…
Brighton and Hove Albion head coach Graham Potter is among five nominees for the Premier League s Manager of the Month award as his move to Chelsea draws closer.
The 47-year-old is widely reported to have agreed terms to take charge at Stamford Bridge following the departure of Thomas Tuchel on Wednesday.
Having been nominated for August s Manager of the Month gong, Potter s arrival at Chelsea could coincide with him being rewarded for a stellar start to the season with Brighton.
The Seagulls won three of their five games in August, drawing with Newcastle United and losing to Fulham, and finished the month in fourth place behind Tottenham, Manchester City and Arsenal.
Those three sides have also seen their leaders nominated, with Mikel Arteta, Antonio Con…
Inter Milan are planning an ambitious swoop on Paris Saint-Germain midfielder Marco Verratti, .
With Erick Thohir set to complete the club takeover, he is likely to make some funds available for the January transfer window.
And rather than investing into high-profile players, the Indonesian businessman prefers to add more young and talented players to the squad that already contain the likes of Kovacic, Icardi, Jesus and Taider.
According to La Gazzetta dello Sport, the Nerazzurri are set to make a move on Paris Saint-Germain starlet Marco Verratti.
The 20-year-old has said on numerous occasions that he would like to return to Italian Serie A, with Inter Milan ready to pounce.
However, the Stadio Giuseppe Meazza outfit could face a stiff competit…
Bolton Wanderers are set to sign Southampton defender Danny Fox on loan until January,.
The left back has made just one league appearance this season, having fallen down the Saints’ pecking order following the emergence of England U21 sensation Luke Shaw.
Fox moved to the south coast club from Burnley in 2011, and was a regular starter during their promotion winning 2011/12 campaign, form that saw him win his first competitive cap for Scotland the following season.
Bolton are currently second from bottom of the Championship, above Barnsley on goal difference following Tuesday evening’s goalless draw at Blackpool.
They have brought in no less than four players on loan over the past few days, with Neil Danns, Liam Feeney and Kyle McNaughton all mov…